How to end a long distance relationship by doing as little damage as possible - psychology - 2023



Relationships can be wonderful, but they are not easy. And it is that they require a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, intimacy, communication and negotiation skills among many other factors, without taking into account the particularities of each of its components, the context and the relationship itself. Among the latter we can find relationships in which its members must remain apart for a long time, either because they live at a great distance or that for various reasons require that one of the components have to go to another place.

Maintaining a healthy and healthy relationship in these circumstances is a great challenge and requires a great effort on both sides, and sometimes it may not go well and cause suffering to one or both members of the couple, something that can cause it to be necessary end a relationship. And it's something to talk about, but to end a long distance relationship with minimal damage to both parties? Throughout this article we are going to try to reflect on this question.

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How to end a long-distance relationship: Different aspects to consider

When breaking up with someone, whether or not it is a long-distance relationship, there are many different elements to take into account. How, when, where, how will you react ...

In this case we will have different steps or aspects to value when ending a long-distance relationship. Of course, it must be borne in mind that we are talking about a generic break, and many of these elements may vary depending on each case.

1. Make sure it is what you want

The first step to ending a long distance relationship is, mainly, to be sure that it is what we really want. A long-distance relationship is very complicated to carry out, but it is also possible that despite the difficulties it is worth it.

It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things moved by pain or anger. It would not be just in case talk to our partner about how we feel and try to verify that what happens to us is not simply a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to assess the pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or non-existence of certain feelings in a cold way and with the maximum possible objectivity.

2. Talk to someone

Doubts about what to do and how to do it are very frequent when ending a relationship. Although we should not let our decision be influenced by what others think, it is advisable talk to someone about the issue in order to vent and get other points of view, especially if it is someone who does not try to impose their opinion on us and values ​​our points of view.

3. Make the decision

Once the pros and cons have been assessed, it is time to make the decision. The fact of making the preliminary assessment is indicative and can help us, but the truth is that in many cases we already have the decision made in advance. This does not mean that the previous step is useless., since it can allow us to try to objectify the situation.

4. Don't make me do it for you

In novels, books, movies or even in real life we ​​have seen how on many occasions people who want to leave their relationship begin to engage in behaviors that little by little they deteriorate and destroy the relationship in order to make the other person decide to leave.

This is often seen as a way of not looking like “the bad guy” or even as a way of making the other person suffer less when you're done. However, deep down, the only thing that this type of manipulation does is generate suffering that can last a long time, and even that despite this the other person does not take the step of ending the relationship.

If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, it is more important to speak directly with the person and assume our own choices and responsibilities. Although it may not seem like it, will cause less emotional pain and it enables the cessation of the relationship to be experienced in a more positive way.

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5. Plan the situation

We cannot foresee everything that may happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that cannot be left to mere improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to carry out the break and the specific topics that are going to be used. I'm not talking about memorizing a speech, but about take into account in advance what you want to talk about.

6. Introduce the subject delicately

Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful time for both members of a couple. It is not recommended to drop it point-blank, but it can be useful to gradually introduce the subject. For example, you can mention to the other that we must talk about an important topic. It's about preparing the ground.

The other person can probably imagine what it is about, but although it may seem somewhat painful initially, it is better than suddenly letting go. After that we can introduce that the relationship has been important to us but that keeping it at a distance has become unsustainable.

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7. Talk it out in person

Although we are facing the end of a long distance relationship, the fact of breaking up deserves if it is possible that the conversation be face to face. Certainly, it is easier to leave it for a chat or in writing, but the other person may feel the moment as cold and look undervalued. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates a better expression and understanding of the situation and allows communication to be more fluid and clear. As far as possible it would be advisable to do it in person.

In case it was totally impossible, a video call could be the next best option. After that would be the live telephone conversation. Leaving text messages or leaving a message on the answering machine should be avoided, since they do not allow a reply.

8. The breakup, in private

It is important that the conversation takes place in a place where you can both be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left behind is not ridiculed or ashamed. Nor is it necessary to do it at home: we can take the person to a place where breaking up is not going to be an embarrassing act for him or her.

It is not appropriate to do it in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a backlash is expected.

9. Stay calm and be clear about what you want

The conversation can become quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be unusual for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, concern or even with some helplessness or even with anger and indignation. We must remain calm and adopt an empathetic attitude, but be clear and firm with our purposes if what we really want is to leave the relationship.

10. Don't blame

A surprisingly common mistake in any breakup, and especially in one in which there is distance between, is to blame the other for the situation that generated the breakup. The fact that little by little there is more distancing, that you talk to each other less or that you feel alone is something that is not the fault of anyone in particular, or rather of what both parties are partly to blame for not knowing how to communicate correctly.

Attributing it to the other is a way to justify yourself and not face your own decision. The exception can be found in situations in which the other person has committed a betrayal of the relationship that you have had, such as infidelity.

11. Let him express his point of view

Relationships are a matter of two. While you may have made the decision that the relationship should end, it wouldn't be fair to just simply disappear. The other has been part of your life, a part that we must value and recognize for what it is and to which we must give due importance. The other person you should have the opportunity to express how you feel about it and give your opinion on the matter, even if it may not agree with ours. This facilitates that, although the relationship ends, it does not do so with a deep resentment or feeling of being undervalued.

12. Distance yourself

Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we have already broken, it is normal that doubts initially arise about how the other person will be or that we begin to miss positive aspects of the relationship. For example, the conversations on WhatsApp or the message of good morning and good night that you probably sent each other.

It is also likely that you want that even if the relationship has ended, that person continues to be part of your life and even maintain a friendship relationship with them. It is even possible that in some cases the possibility of keeping an open door to return in the future is considered.

However, it is not healthy for the same level of contact to continue as before until the stage of mourning has been passed. This will generate pain in the person who has been left and a possible confusion regarding your intentions (does he want to come back? Hurt me? Should I wait? Etc.).

In fact, it is advisable to distance yourself, in such a way that both your now ex-partner and you can adapt to the fact of not being a couple anymore, rebuild your lives and see the other as a person with whom you can (or not) maintain a relationship. cordial contact. It is not about never speaking again (unless you want to), but about giving time for the process of overcoming the break to close.